This is the anniversary of the last death in my family in 2021-2022.

My older sister died on December 21.

My nephew on February 24. He was only 40, and left behind a little boy.

His dad, my older brother, on April 24.

Spent much of the year numb. I talked to friends when the numbness broke. When they ask, I tell them I’m doing okay.

I’m not doing okay. I haven’t been doing okay for awhile now. But I can’t tell them that. They’re my friends, not therapists. I can only unburden myself with them for so long.

It should have been me. It should have been me. It should have been me.